JOOST, THE MAN IN THE MIRROR by David Gemmell. (Zebra Press). Reviewed by Alvin Reeves

SO Joost van der Westhuizen had a book written about himself to confirm what we all knew anyway . . . that he has holes in his underpants.

It seems there were as many holes in Joost’s story relating to his matinee cocktail of drugs, sex and socks and roll as there are in his well-publicised briefs.

We all came to know Van der Westhuizen as one of the best scrumhalves ever to play rugby union. He was strong, fast, had an eye for a gap and could tackle like his life depended on it. He was an all-South African hero. There were those who thought the package was nicely rounded off when he married second wife Amor after his first attempt with childhood friend Marlene fell apart.

Amor, who, much like Joost, came from a simple background, made herself famous as the “Lotto” girl. Later she would go on to become a rather lame but successful performer, often scantily dressed. They had become sex symbols in South African society, well, in limited circles.

Joost speaks about the pain of their life being a public affair, how he disliked the media attention and he just wanted a basic life.

So it came as somewhat of a surprise when he spilt the beans in a book on a personal matter involving Amor that should probably have remained just that.

On their first date, the beaming couple dined at an exclusive Sandton restaurant. They shared oysters, although Joost had never eaten them before.

Driving home, the luscious Amor started clutching her stomach with a pained expression on her face.

Joost pulled over and stopped the car at her desperate command.

Before he could say “mud guts”, Amor bolted from the car and in one swift movement had pulled down her panties and squatted next to the vehicle.

“In that excruciatingly embarrassing moment – courtesy of a bad oyster – the universe dropped out of Amor’s bottom,” the book reads. How demeaning. What was the man thinking?

He then speaks fondly of his two children Jordan and Kylie, frequently in the book saying how they mean the world to him.

But who would want to be in his boots when they eventually pick up a copy of the book and plunge into its sadness?

But there are some entertaining stories regarding Kitch Christie, the World Cup, rugby in general and some insight as to what life was like when he was growing up.

The so-called juicy bits about the sexless 29-minute video that includes Joost sniffing a line and frolicking with a woman dressed only in a pink are included towards the end.

In all, the book basically builds up to being a public confession and apology to his wife and family after a succession of lies and deceit.