A prominent South African arts figure has ignited a difficult public conversation about the right to choose when and how one dies after outlining his decision to end his own life.
Ian von Memerty’s video series, Dying for a Better Life, has prompted renewed debate around autonomy, ageing, mental health and end-of-life choice.
He spoke to The Herald from Croatia, where he is on holiday leading up to the date he has set to end his life.
Von Memerty, known to television audiences through productions such as Strictly Come Dancing and SA’s Got Talent, described his decision as an act of self‑deliverance — one he says was carefully considered and deeply questioned.
The 61-year-old father chose to document his journey publicly both to raise awareness and to provide clarity that this decision was “not driven by depression”.
“I started the series because when I talked to people about having the right to own your death, the right to choose an easier death and the right to ease suffering in extreme old age, so many people agreed with me,” he said.
The Gqeberha-based creative, whose career spans decades across theatre, television and live performance, has framed his choice as rooted in choosing power rather than despair.
He has also drawn up a personal “contract”, which he says helps him remain focused on the decision.
Von Memerty has cited extreme financial stress, the realities of ageing, and the emotional toll of witnessing his parents’ prolonged and painful deaths as central to his reasoning.
His father suffered multiple strokes and died after years of terrible debilitation, while his mother, who had dementia, passed away recently.
His public disclosure has reignited complex conversations about dignity, autonomy and the pressures faced by creatives later in life.
Mental health practitioners have urged compassion and care, both for Von Memerty and for others who may identify with aspects of his experience, while emphasising the importance of support and open dialogue around mental health.
Speaking telephonically from Croatia, Von Memerty appeared relaxed and at times light‑hearted, joking about the cold weather before addressing the serious questions raised by the increasingly popular yet shocking video series.
While calm, he acknowledged deep pain and sadness of leaving his family behind.
He said the idea to go public emerged from repeated discussions about the right to “own your death” to avoid prolonged suffering.
“There was almost nothing out there on the topic except assisted dying, which is for the most extreme cases,” he said.
He argued that society prioritised extending life at all costs, without sufficient regard for quality of life or suffering.
Though legal avenues for assisted dying existed, he said they were inaccessible to most people and came with significant emotional, physical, financial and legal burdens.
“We accept human choice across almost every aspect of life,” he said.
“However, in old age and death we are completely disempowered.”
Asked whether such a decision could be seen as “playing God”, Von Memerty pointed to everyday life‑and‑death decisions such as birth control, pacemakers and insulin.
He said his choice had been shaped by 18 months of research and reflection.
Though some might label it suicide, he vehemently disagrees, saying the term “self‑deliverance” better reflects preparation, agency and the ability to offer closure.
“Suicide involves deep turmoil and no space to prepare,” he said.
“That is not what I’m doing.”
The most difficult aspect of his decision, he said, was confronting the pain it would cause others, particularly his family.
Von Memerty said having a defined end date had given him a sense of clarity and power.
“There is a burden that comes with staying as well,” he said, comparing his situation to the prolonged suffering he witnessed during his father’s illness.
Financial insecurity was a fact and a terror, he added.
He said the energy and resilience required to build his career had also been eroded.
He stressed that documenting his journey was not financially motivated and not meant to be all about him, but rather intended as a broader conversation he believed was long overdue.
Asked about the potential impact of his videos on vulnerable viewers, including young people, Von Memerty said he had deliberately approached the subject in a slow, non-sensational manner.
He also explained why he did not want to wait until old age, despite being in good health, citing his dislike of ageing, and the risk of trying to earn as overwhelming.
Ultimately, he said, his aim was to challenge how society spoke about death and ageing.
“I want to change the language and the lens we use around old age and dying,” he said.
“I want it to be less sentimental and more empowering.”
While his views had divided opinion and had stirred both debate and sadness, Von Memerty maintained that the broader questions he raised — around choice, autonomy and suffering — deserved sustained discussion, regardless of his personal outcome.
“If you want to choose an extended old age and everything that comes with it, that’s wonderful,” he said.
“I don’t want to remove anyone’s right to own all of their moments. It’s just not my choice.”
Von Memerty has already planned and set his death date.
Help is available
Prof Zukiswa Zingela, a psychiatrist with 30 years’ experience and Nelson Mandela University’s executive dean of the faculty of health sciences, said it was always important to remember that help was available if you were having thoughts of self-harm.
Though she could not comment specifically on Ian von Memerty’s series on “self-deliverance” and the right to choose how and when you died because she did not know his full story and had not examined him, she said ultimately if a person died through their own means, it was referred to as suicide.
“It is always important to remember that there is help available,” she said.
“There are many reasons why people think of suicide — but there is always a possibility of assisting them.
“There could be underlying mental health problems (diagnosed or not). But it assists when you are assessed properly.
“If it is due to acute stresses (such as finances, problems with the law, addiction, or feeling overwhelmed), there is always help in both the private and public sectors.”
In the public sector, she said, someone finding themselves in such a situation could go to their nearest mental health clinic, and that there were a number of them across the metro.
She said there were also helplines one could call, some open 24 hours a day.
“If you can’t get to a medical centre or a telephone, then speak up to someone, a neighbour, anyone.
“The nature of suicidal thoughts is that they come and go until the person feels there is no other option.
“Our degree of suffering is often determined by your inner ability to cope with what is on your table.
“That state of feeling overwhelmed is a source of pain.”
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of self-harm, you can contact the SA Depression and Anxiety Group suicide crisis helpline on 0800-567-567, or LifeLine on 0800-012-322.
