I have an urgent to-do-list for every mayor who has messed up and failed their people:
Monday
- Reintroduce the concept of service delivery.
- Repair at least one traffic light so citizens stop treating intersections like gladiator arenas.
- Replace missing street signs so ambulances no longer need spiritual guidance to find addresses.
Tuesday
- Count how many potholes now qualify as inland lakes.
- Rescue fallen lamp poles before someone lists them as modern art installations.
- Mark road lanes again.
Wednesday
- Hold emergency meeting under the theme “Crime is not a tourism attraction”.
- Hire people who know the bylaws and can enforce them, with zero tolerance for lawbreakers.
- Ask the electricity directorate if “tripping” and ”vandalism” were really meant to become full-time personality traits.
Thursday
- Put actual street names on streets; “Turn left at the burnt-out fridge” is not an acceptable GPS instruction.
- Fix stormwater drains so roads stop turning into Venice every time it rains.
- Investigate why municipal workers need six supervisors to lean on one shovel.
Friday
- Repair sidewalks so pedestrians no longer require hiking boots and medical insurance.
- Restore public parks from “crime scenes with swings” back to parks for families to enjoy.
- Check if refuse collection still exists or if stray dogs have officially taken over sanitation services.
Saturday
- Drive through the city personally without a police escort, helicopter, or emergency repair convoy.
- Attempt to survive one taxi intersection, two broken traffic circles and a road with no markings after sunset.
Sunday
- Pray.
- Apologise to your residents.
Repeat all of the above next week and every week.
Long-term goals:
- Make residents proud of the city again — for that to happen, it will need to be clean, crime free and working.
- If you cannot make this happen, maybe it is time to leave and let someone who can do this take over.
- Ensure emergency services can actually find emergencies.
- Create roads where suspensions survive longer than yogurt.
- Convince citizens that paying rates and taxes is not just a charitable donation.
- Restore enough order that visitors stop asking: “Was there recently a zombie apocalypse here?”
Final note to all mayors who have failed their citizens:
If residents start giving directions like: “Turn right at the third pothole after the broken traffic light, then continue until you see the collapsed lamp pole …” things may already be slightly out of hand.
Marizanne Ferreira, Gqeberha
